The Power of Acknowledgment *

This real life experience gives me the chills! It is amazing to see what a simple acknowledgment can do in the workplace, with someone who is challenging to us! Thank you, Trudy, for submitting this great story to me:

 I’m always excited at a project kickoff - the hopefulness and the initial enthusiam about the project always puts me in a good mood. But on this day, my kickoff happiness was tempered when I realized a certain person was assigned to my team: Jim was my technical lead, and I was grouchy about it. I walked away from the kickoff mumbling to myself about how I would have to put up with this guy’s negative comments - he never had a positive thing to say about anything. At every meeting, he would interject with statements like, “No, that won’t work,” or “You will never complete that on time,” and to be honest, he just irritated me. I decided to sit down and have a good talk with myself - this guy was on my team, and no amount of whining or wrangling was going to get me a new technical lead, so I had to just deal with it.

About that time, I remembered some of the concepts I read in Judy’s book: I remembered that acknowledging someone could change their attitude, and I thought that doing something different might change the dynamics of the situation. In our next team meeting, Jim did his usual - he shot down every idea, and ridiculed every deadline we set, and as usual everyone ignored him and kept talking about our project. But, this time, I stopped and took a breath, and said, “Jim, can you tell us more about why you don’t think we can do this?” He looked shocked. The whole team stopped talking and turned to him - I said, “Go ahead, Jim, we’re interested…” He was taken aback - he redded in the face a bit, but actually put his thoughts together and made a very logical argument about a point we had missed. I said, “Wow, I’m glad you pointed that out, Jim, I totally missed it. Could I ask you to take that one step further and help us understand what we should do to resolve the issue?” He said he would have to think about it, which, by the way, was fine with me, because he didn’t speak for the rest of the meeting!

Later, I stopped by his desk to discuss the issue more - I needed a risk mitigation plan for the issue he uncovered. I started the conversation by thanking him for discovering this issue - after all, had we not addressed it, the project could have been in trouble. He was so disoriented by now, he didn’t know how to respond, but I expected that - Judy reminds us in her book that some people cannot accept the acknowledgement we give, so I wasn’t put off by his confusion. Some time later, he came up with some ideas about handling the issue, and actually experimented with some of the solutions to understand what might work - he did excellent work, but no one ever knew it because of his negative approach.

Over the course of the project, I kept quizzing him about possible problems and solutions and praised him privately for being my “failure analyst.” I pointed out to him that it is a great and essential skill to see the weaknesses in a plan - I have a tendency to leap first and look later, so his skepticism kept me out of trouble more than once. After that, he took an active role in project meetings, even to the point of leading some meetings to analyze issues. At the end of the project, I made a special trip over to his desk to say thanks again for his overall efforts, and he told me something so interesting - he said, “You are the only person who listened to me - everyone always ignored me, but now I know I have something important to say.” That statement knocked my socks off…I’m not a great people person, but I think in this case, a simple acknowledgement formed a good and productive relationship with someone who provided a key need to the team! Thanks Judy!!!

 Trudy Patterson, Computer Associates

A lot of people ask me for the Seven Principles from the book The Power of Acknowledgment. I thought I would share them with all of my readers and visitors, in order to spread the word and allow people to start experiencing the power of this tool. I really do believe that Acknowledgment has the power to repair the world, one person at a time. So here are the Seven Principles, which I hope will have meaning for you.

The 7 Principles of Acknowledgment are an excerpt from The Power of Acknowledgment, by Judith W. Umlas. ©2006 IIL Publishing, New York.

1. The world is full of people who deserve to be acknowledged. It will be easier to acknowledge those you care most about if you start by practicing your acknowledgment skills on people you don’t know very well, or even know at all. Then you will begin making the world a happier place.
2. Acknowledgment builds intimacy and creates powerful interactions. Acknowledge the people around you directly and fully, especially those with whom you are in an intimate relationship. What is it about your spouse, your daughter, your uncle, your oldest colleague or subordinate that you want to acknowledge? Look for ways to say how much you value them, and then be prepared for miracles!
3. Acknowledgment neutralizes, defuses, deactivates and reduces the effect of jealousy and envy! Acknowledge those you are jealous of, for the very attributes you envy. Watch the envy diminish and the relationship grow stronger as you grow to accept valuable input from the person you were envying.
4. Recognizing good work leads to high energy, great feelings, high-quality performance and terrific results. Not acknowledging good work causes lethargy, resentment, sorrow and withdrawal. Recognize and acknowledge good work, wherever you find it. It’s not true that people only work hard if they worry whether you value them. Quite the opposite!
5. Truthful, heartfelt and deserved acknowledgment always makes a difference, sometimes a profound one, in a person’s life and work. Rarely given acknowledgments have no more value than frequent ones. Sincere praise should not be withheld due to fear of diminishing returns, of appearing inappropriate or out of embarrassment. These obstacles can and should be overcome in order for you and your recipients to reap the tremendous rewards.
6. It is likely that acknowledgment can improve the emotional and physical health of both the giver and the receiver. There is already substantial scientific evidence that gratitude and forgiveness help well-being, alertness and energy, diminish stress and feelings of negativity, actually boosting the immune system. It is reported that they can even reduce the risk of stroke and heart failure. This research leads us to believe that acknowledging others has similar effects.
7. Practice different ways of getting through to the people you want to acknowledge. Develop an acknowledgment repertoire that will give you the tools to reach out to the people in your life in the different ways that will be the most meaningful to each situation and each person.

Here’s a very dramatic and poignantly written account of how this works. Thank you so much, Sheryl, for sharing this and allowing others to benefit from your incredible experience. You are an inspiration!

Dear Judy,

Sheryl Janssen

I received this wonderful communication from a person who attended a webinar (web seminar) I led a while back and who subsequently read The Power of Acknowledgment:

Dear Judy,

– Trudy Patterson

Dear Trudy,

That is great! A “drive by” acknowledgment (and I LOVE that phrase, which I have already received Trudy’s permission to borrow) is wonderful, so long as it has two characteristics: that it is heartfelt and authentic. An acknowledgment does not have to be long, or eloquent or grandiose. It simply has to move us emotionally, even in a small way, when we deliver it. It has to come from the heart. It makes us feel good, and makes us feel even better when we see the person we deliver it to just “light up.” So use the opportunity, as you seem to be ready to do, to deliver those drive by acknowledgments whenever you see the opportunity. Just make sure they are real, or they won’t land properly and you will be disappointed. I can see the positive feelings rippling out from you to those with whom you come in contact. Aren’t they lucky! Great job!