Here is a wonderful story I received from a reader that I am honored to share with you, with his permission.
December 20, 2007
Dear Judith;
Last night I called my brother-in-law, Bruce Woolley, to let him know that I had been considering getting a couple of extra copies of your book: “The Power of Acknowledgement” so that I might share the book with the owner of our company as well as co-workers. I went on to explain to Bruce what my experience had been reading your book and he encouraged me to write to you directly. Bruce and his wife, Mary Lee, gave my wife and me our copy sometime this past summer. I ordered two copies from Amazon.com today.
I am a realtor in mid-coast, Maine. Perhaps you’ve heard of Belfast. As a realtor, I spend a great deal of time and energy attempting to “read” people in order to help meet their needs on a number of fronts. I also spend time mediating, negotiating and otherwise helping people to communicate effectively with one another in situations where individuals are often bringing considerable emotion to the table. Recently, during a transaction, I was faced with a situation that had the potential to become highly contentious. Prior to the actual closing, I met with the buyers who I was representing and discussed how best to approach what we needed from the sellers’ side. I knew that the buyers had been pleased with the condition of the house during our walk-thru a few hours before closing and I knew that they were genuinely pleased with some of the work that had been done. I asked if they would be comfortable beginning our negotiation with the sellers with a brief but sincere acknowledgment of their reaction to the condition of the property. They were happy to do so.
There is no question in my mind that the buyers’ willingness to articulate their experience with finding the house in such good condition was pivotal in how the negotiation that followed went. I would go so far as to say that it may have even saved the deal.
It was never my intention to manipulate anyone; it was simply to pave the way for the two parties to begin their discussion in a positive way. It was not particularly complicated and certainly not difficult or time consuming. The buyers commented afterward that it was a stroke of genius, but I backed them away from that notion, giving your book full credit for the idea.
While I think that in the past I have had a propensity for acknowledging people in small ways, your book has provided me with significant context for continuing this behavior and additional motivation to engage in it more frequently and more sincerely. I also won’t be as likely to hesitate as I might have been in the past. For that I am extremely grateful.
I plan to share the book with many colleagues and with the owners of the company that I work for. Thank you for your good work!
Russ Lloyd -
Many people are surprised by Principle #3 in The Power of Acknowledgment, which states: “Acknowledgment neutralizes, defuses, deactivates, and reduces the effect of jealousy and envy!” It takes a little while, but most people “get it” and want to test it out in their own professional and personal lives. They tell me that it works, which makes me very happy.
But now I may be on to something else, which even surprises me. When you write a book like mine, you are fair game for anyone who finds your real life behavior the least bit contrary to what the book espouses. The other night I was with dear friends, and spoke of my sick, elderly parents and the guilt I feel about not doing more for them. My Dad is in assisted living and my Mom, unfortunately, had to be placed in a nursing home due to medical needs she has. So after 63 years of marriage, they are now living separately, which breaks my heart. And although I do a great deal for them, it never feels like I am doing enough. I also have a very stressful and exciting job, a typically challenging teenage son, an adult daughter who is just finding her place in society and more (e.g. my 17 year old dog is blind, slightly deaf and has dementia). My wise friend Jerry reminded me that I had written a book about acknowledgment, and that guilt was simply a distraction — a way of avoiding the need to acknowledge myself for all that I am doing. In fact, he said, I could make changes in my life in order to get rid of the guilt, such as changing my work situation, etc. But that as long as I was going to keep things going as they are, then the guilt is useless and purposeless. Guilt only has any value, he said, when it steers us to make new choices. Since I really love the life I have, the work I do, I decided that he is right. Because I don’t want to make any serious changes in my life situation, there is no need for guilt. I have a colleague who is very well known and well respected in our field, and in a similar situation with her parents, she took a year off from work to get them situated as best she could. I do not choose to do this, even though the luxury of time to handle everything for them and to be with them as much as I want to, is attractive. Without committing to making changes in my basic situation, the guilt is indeed purposeless. So I have been acknowledging myself for what I AM doing for my parents (a lot), rather than feeling guilty for what I am NOT doing, since then (although I do slip occasionally). Isn’t this an interesting connection between acknowledgment and guilt? It is very curious. I thank my friend Jerry for that insight — it may become another chapter in the next edition of my book.
I hear so many wonderful stories about the results people have when using the 7 Principles of Acknowledgment. From time to time I will publish one of these in my blog, with the permision of the contributor, of course. And I look forward to hearing your stories as well. A colleague of mine, Frank P. Saladis, PMP, has suggested that I write a followup book or a chapter in the next edition of the current book, entitled “The Power of Acknowledgment Unleashed.” Thanks for this idea, Frank. I just may do it!