This real life experience gives me the chills! It is amazing to see what a simple acknowledgment can do in the workplace, with someone who is challenging to us! Thank you, Trudy, for submitting this great story to me:
I’m always excited at a project kickoff - the hopefulness and the initial enthusiam about the project always puts me in a good mood. But on this day, my kickoff happiness was tempered when I realized a certain person was assigned to my team: Jim was my technical lead, and I was grouchy about it. I walked away from the kickoff mumbling to myself about how I would have to put up with this guy’s negative comments - he never had a positive thing to say about anything. At every meeting, he would interject with statements like, “No, that won’t work,” or “You will never complete that on time,” and to be honest, he just irritated me. I decided to sit down and have a good talk with myself - this guy was on my team, and no amount of whining or wrangling was going to get me a new technical lead, so I had to just deal with it.
About that time, I remembered some of the concepts I read in Judy’s book: I remembered that acknowledging someone could change their attitude, and I thought that doing something different might change the dynamics of the situation. In our next team meeting, Jim did his usual - he shot down every idea, and ridiculed every deadline we set, and as usual everyone ignored him and kept talking about our project. But, this time, I stopped and took a breath, and said, “Jim, can you tell us more about why you don’t think we can do this?” He looked shocked. The whole team stopped talking and turned to him - I said, “Go ahead, Jim, we’re interested…” He was taken aback - he redded in the face a bit, but actually put his thoughts together and made a very logical argument about a point we had missed. I said, “Wow, I’m glad you pointed that out, Jim, I totally missed it. Could I ask you to take that one step further and help us understand what we should do to resolve the issue?” He said he would have to think about it, which, by the way, was fine with me, because he didn’t speak for the rest of the meeting!
Later, I stopped by his desk to discuss the issue more - I needed a risk mitigation plan for the issue he uncovered. I started the conversation by thanking him for discovering this issue - after all, had we not addressed it, the project could have been in trouble. He was so disoriented by now, he didn’t know how to respond, but I expected that - Judy reminds us in her book that some people cannot accept the acknowledgement we give, so I wasn’t put off by his confusion. Some time later, he came up with some ideas about handling the issue, and actually experimented with some of the solutions to understand what might work - he did excellent work, but no one ever knew it because of his negative approach.
Over the course of the project, I kept quizzing him about possible problems and solutions and praised him privately for being my “failure analyst.” I pointed out to him that it is a great and essential skill to see the weaknesses in a plan - I have a tendency to leap first and look later, so his skepticism kept me out of trouble more than once. After that, he took an active role in project meetings, even to the point of leading some meetings to analyze issues. At the end of the project, I made a special trip over to his desk to say thanks again for his overall efforts, and he told me something so interesting - he said, “You are the only person who listened to me - everyone always ignored me, but now I know I have something important to say.” That statement knocked my socks off…I’m not a great people person, but I think in this case, a simple acknowledgement formed a good and productive relationship with someone who provided a key need to the team! Thanks Judy!!!
Trudy Patterson, Computer Associates
Here is a wonderful story I received from a reader that I am honored to share with you, with his permission.
December 20, 2007
Dear Judith;
Last night I called my brother-in-law, Bruce Woolley, to let him know that I had been considering getting a couple of extra copies of your book: “The Power of Acknowledgement” so that I might share the book with the owner of our company as well as co-workers. I went on to explain to Bruce what my experience had been reading your book and he encouraged me to write to you directly. Bruce and his wife, Mary Lee, gave my wife and me our copy sometime this past summer. I ordered two copies from Amazon.com today.
I am a realtor in mid-coast, Maine. Perhaps you’ve heard of Belfast. As a realtor, I spend a great deal of time and energy attempting to “read” people in order to help meet their needs on a number of fronts. I also spend time mediating, negotiating and otherwise helping people to communicate effectively with one another in situations where individuals are often bringing considerable emotion to the table. Recently, during a transaction, I was faced with a situation that had the potential to become highly contentious. Prior to the actual closing, I met with the buyers who I was representing and discussed how best to approach what we needed from the sellers’ side. I knew that the buyers had been pleased with the condition of the house during our walk-thru a few hours before closing and I knew that they were genuinely pleased with some of the work that had been done. I asked if they would be comfortable beginning our negotiation with the sellers with a brief but sincere acknowledgment of their reaction to the condition of the property. They were happy to do so.
There is no question in my mind that the buyers’ willingness to articulate their experience with finding the house in such good condition was pivotal in how the negotiation that followed went. I would go so far as to say that it may have even saved the deal.
It was never my intention to manipulate anyone; it was simply to pave the way for the two parties to begin their discussion in a positive way. It was not particularly complicated and certainly not difficult or time consuming. The buyers commented afterward that it was a stroke of genius, but I backed them away from that notion, giving your book full credit for the idea.
While I think that in the past I have had a propensity for acknowledging people in small ways, your book has provided me with significant context for continuing this behavior and additional motivation to engage in it more frequently and more sincerely. I also won’t be as likely to hesitate as I might have been in the past. For that I am extremely grateful.
I plan to share the book with many colleagues and with the owners of the company that I work for. Thank you for your good work!
Russ Lloyd -
I hear so many wonderful stories about the results people have when using the 7 Principles of Acknowledgment. From time to time I will publish one of these in my blog, with the permision of the contributor, of course. And I look forward to hearing your stories as well. A colleague of mine, Frank P. Saladis, PMP, has suggested that I write a followup book or a chapter in the next edition of the current book, entitled “The Power of Acknowledgment Unleashed.” Thanks for this idea, Frank. I just may do it!