The Power of Acknowledgment *

Sometimes our best intentions to acknowledge someone generously, profoundly and in a heartfelt way go astray. I hate to even plant this thought, but this situation is still bothering me and I could use some of your input. What could I have done differently to make this work better?

So here’s the story — I went to Lyon, France last week to visit two dear and elderly friends that I had the joy of living with for a summer when I was 18. And yes, that was quite a while ago! Claudia was my mother’s pen pal for 70 years, believe it or not. And I was a lucky beneficiary of that relationship. So when I came to visit this time, I decided to stay in a nearby hotel and not disrupt their daily routines (they are 90 and 87) and it was “petite” but lovely and well-situated.

The first morning of my trip, I came down for a breakfast that I had been dreaming of for weeks — French coffee and French croissants. What could be a better treat than that!? But I was a little mixed up due to the change in time and found that I had missed breakfast entirely. Even at a nearby restaurant, there were no croissants left and they were serving lunch instead of breakfast. The next day, I made sure to be at breakfast at my hotel an hour before it ended, and imagine my shock and despair when I was told by the server that there were no more croissants! In my getting-better-and-returning French, I managed to communicate my despair to the very sweet woman who was serving me. I told her how my visit to Lyon was first of all to see my dear friends, but second of all to have French croissants! She saw my despondency and told me she would go to a nearby restaurant and get me some.

I was truly shocked and moved by her offer, and said that I would do that myself. But before I could finish my sentence, she was out the door. A few minutes later, she came back — out of breath — with a bowl full of flaky, delicious croissants. I was flabbergasted — nearly speechless. I told her as best I could how delighted, surprised and moved I was by her incredible customer service and that I would let her boss know how I felt. She thanked me and went about her business.

That day, I was told, her manager was off. So I wrote a long and detailed letter in my not so fluent French, but wouldn’t give up until I got it all out — about how amazed, delighted and totally surprised I was by the level of service provided by the server, Magdaly. I left the letter for her in her box and went out to see my friends — the real reason for being there! It was an awesome visit. The next day, I asked if the manager had received the letter and was told that she had. I sought her out and introduced myself as the letter writer, and again said how thrilled I was with Magdaly’s level of service. She smiled politely and said, “Oh yes, that is what we always have around here.” I asked her if she had told Magdaly about my letter and had acknowledged her for her service. “Yes,” she said. So why didn’t I “get it”? I made sure to mention the letter I had written to Magdaly myself, and she seemed very pleased that I had gone to the trouble of writing. She felt it would be a good thing for her to have that in her file. But I was left feeling empty and unsatisfied because I just didn’t get a sense that the depth of the acknowledgment I had written had been shared with or communicated to her.

I am left feeling disappointed and incomplete with the communication with her manager. Perhaps I should have made a copy of the letter and presented it to Magdaly myself –, since I am still not sure that her manager fully communicated what I had written, or truly acknowledged her for her unique and above and beyond level of service. The experience with her manager made me sad. Does anyone have any ideas for me? I think in the future, I will make sure to present a copy of anything I write to a person’s manager, to that person herself, especially if it is hand-written. But how could I have gotten through to the manager in a more powerful way? I feel that she was just taking her employee for granted, and that is something I always counsel against. 

I welcome your input, and do want all of you to know what truly outstanding service Magdaly provided! And the croissants were yummy!

My esteemed and long-time colleague, Roberto Daniel of Invensys Controls in Brazil has just brought an exciting idea to my attention: using the Power of Acknowledgment in recognition of his employees!

            Each month Roberto gives both a box of candy and a copy of the book The Power of Acknowledgment to an employee who has achieved the highest results in product development and cost reduction. He calls it the “candy box award appraisal ceremony.” His employees look forward to this every month and this simple yet effective way of acknowledging his employees produces greater results and positively encourages his team to work harder.

By acknowledging his team in a sincere and authentic way each week, they work together in a positive, warm, and welcoming corporate culture. What a wonderful place to come to each morning!

And what better way to reward your team or employee for the good work they have done by authentically acknowledging their terrific efforts and profitable results, by giving them the tools needed to spread the acknowledgment – with something sweet and true!?

Here is a poignant story/question I received from a participant in the University of Maryland University College webinar I recently led. It drives home the need for the “now” in “ack-NOW-ledgement”!

Dear Judy,

I have really enjoyed your book and it was an eye-opener for me.  I used to work for a hotel, as a revenue manager, and the reason why I left was because I did not feel appreciated enough for the amount of work that I was doing.

As a company culture we had employee appreciation each month where all the managers and supervisors would gather and the general manager would announce the manager of the month as well as the employee of the month based on an outstanding service.

In my department, I had three reservation agents and I made sure as a manager that I always acknowledged their good work. I would take them out for lunch every few months to show them know how much their hard work meant to me. If a client sent an email to thank one of the agents, I would send it to my director and my GM and post it to my agents’ bulletin board to remind them that they were appreciated.

Unfortunately, that was not the same for me. I never received a thank you for my efforts, but as soon as one of the agents made a mistake, then it would be a flow of emails to explain what had happened. At the end, I got tired and decided to work for another company. On my last day, we had a managers’ meeting and we started with a little game. Each manager had a piece of paper with all the managers’ names on it and they had to say what they thought about those managers. It was anonymous, so you wouldn’t know who said what about you.  One week after I left the company, I went to retrieve some paper and the director of HR gave me my list that they had compiled. My first thought was that it is only bad things, but I was shocked by what I read. It was a list of praises from my fellow managers and heads of departments. If I had had that list before I left, I would have thought twice before accepting another job offer. After all, they acknowledged my hard work even though they never really said anything to me directly.

Now, I wonder maybe I should have said something to my director, maybe ask to be acknowledged? But then wouldn’t that sound like I am begging for praises?

Stella

Stella’s story is a poignant and painful one — one that all managers should pay serious attention to. So many people do not know they are appreciated or valued, and actually leave their jobs because of this lack of heartfelt and authentic acknowledgment. Stella wants to know if she should have said something to her director, perhaps asking for acknowledgment. I would prefer that she not have to ask for it — that a culture of acknowledgment and appreciation be established wherever people are working. But we are not there yet. So I would suggest something a little different. Talk to your managers about the business impact of NOT acknowledging people: the Gallup organization estimates that the annual productivity loss in the U.S. from having disengaged employees is $300 billion! Disengagement results from people not knowing they are valued, and feeling they are not contributing. Managers and leaders need to be aware of this and if your people are valued, show them in many different ways. I think the exercise that her company used was excellent — we can all give this a try. Hopefully it won’t be too late. And as another way of bringing acknowledgment into a corporate culture, Stella, invite your managers to one of my free webinars that I lead twice a month. They will see both the possibility of acknowledging people freely and generously, and realize the cost of NOT acknowledging them. Thanks for sharing your powerful story with us. We all need to remember the NOW in ack-NOW-ledgment.   

I received this email from a person who had read The Power of Acknowledgment, and his comments just about ”knocked my socks off.” I post it for you in its entirety, because I think there is great wisdom from which we can all benefit. I welcome your comments on these beautiful words, and coming just after Valentine’s Day, I hope they inspire us to keep acknowledging the people we care about, which encourages them to inspire others, and so on and so on….

The Dalai Lama would probably expand your 1st Principle to “all people deserve to be acknowledged,” but the intention, I think, is the same.

Like you, Dalai Lama uses actual experiences to demonstrate the power of compassion and reason. I particularly liked your examples around the notion of recognizing that which we find positive and powerful in others. In my work with teachers, I often hear myself exhorting them to find the child’s power, the successes, to build on. The assumption is that there is a core of beauty and potential in all of us. We get to decide what focus to take, what to pay attention to. That decision is fateful!

Your premise empowers each of us to make those decisions that can make life happier and healthier for those with whom we interact. This, in itself, makes it an ethical issue as well as one that could be thought of as spiritual. For me, the idea of spiritual acts does not refer to the metaphysical but to quite palpable human behaviors and attitudes. Dalai Lama makes a distinction between ethics and spirituality. His perspective makes sense to me. In the chapter,” Redefining The Goal,” he says, “There is an important distinction to be made between what we might call ethical and spiritual acts. An ethical act is one where we refrain from causing harm to others’ experience or expectation of happiness. Spiritual acts we can describe in terms of those qualities of love, compassion, patience, humility, tolerance, and so on which presume some level of concern for others’ well being. We find that the spiritual actions we undertake which are motivated not by narrow self-interest but out of our concern for others actually benefit ourselves. And not only that, but they make our lives meaningful.”

I thank you for The Power of Acknowledgement. It raises my consciousness to practice these important principles every day.

Dick Piazza 

Dick Piazza’s Awakenings: Brain-Compatible Learning Workshops

Email: DendritePiazza@gmail.com

And I thank you, Dick, for your thoughtful and very humbling comparisons and lessons learned.  I am truly honored.

I often feel so lucky to have stumbled on Acknowledgment, the “oh-so-simple” action or tool that while being so simple, still makes such a profound difference in people’s lives. What could possibly explain it? So far, I find the following explanation closest to the probable truth, but feel free to offer your thoughts or ideas as well. I will give full credit for this one to Juliun Brabon, an applicant for a job at International Institute for Learning, for which I was leading the search. Well, his background had nothing at all to do with what we were seeking, but he had such an interesting set of experiences (including being a Lean Six Sigma Black Belt and spearheading the media for an event with the Dalai Lama) that I just HAD to invite him to read The Power of Acknowledgment (you may feel free to try to find the logic there). So I “shipped” him a PDF file of the book and here is what he wrote back to me the very next day:

“Acknowledgment is an innate human ability, to the point where it’s not really considered by people, and as a result is often not properly developed. It is often overlooked because of the reasons you describe in your book - fear, embarrassment, vulnerability, etc., yet it is something so simple and yet fundamental. Everyone can benefit from this. I feel like a filter has been pulled back from my eyes.”

I really like the simplicity of Juliun’s explanation. Acknowledgment IS an innate capability that I think we lose the power to use as we build up our defenses in life. And I feel like that traditional fairy godmother in all of my webinars and courses, as I float around the room and just “tap” people on the head, thereby restoring their power. It is that simple. Otherwise, how can you POSSIBLY explain the powerful, dramatic, thrilling, exciting and almost unbelievable incident that occurred in one of the sessions I led in Orlando at the PMI Global Congress North America? Here is the post I wrote for the PMI Blog, Voices on Project Management about it:

http://blogs.pmi.org/blog/voices_on_project_management/2009/12/acknowledgment-isnt-just-for-t.html

When you read this, you will recognize what the power of acknowledgment can have for you, your team members, your leaders, your family, your friends and for all of humanity. Please join the team that is restoring people’s innate ability to acknowledge others powerfully, profoundly, and generously. The world will change as a result. And thanks, Juliun, for applying for a job that didn’t fit, and in the process really catching my attention with your experience and your wisdom!

Until the next time,

Judith W. Umlas

I want to thank each of you who submitted a story that made the power of acknowledgment real to others. No author could possibly make up the wondrous stories of breakthroughs, overcoming challenges and obstacles, and being inspired to pass this powerful message on to others. In the
coming year, I would like to see a critical mass reached in those receiving and bringing forth the message, and a real shift in the world as a
result. We can make this happen together, simply by being conscious, courageous, communicative and committed (the 4 C’s). It is so simple — we just need some reminders about our power to motivate and inspire others and to make a difference in their lives. I am so happy to have all of you on the team that I truly believe can and will repair the world.

I wish each and every one of you a joyous, healthy
and prosperous new year. I acknowledge you
for taking this path and being willing to participate
in the journey with me.

All my best,

Judith W. Umlas

Using The Power of Acknowledgment to Help the World

Last year I led a half-day workshop on The Power of Acknowledgment for the U.S. Department of Justice as well as representatives of various federal and state agencies. Part way through, someone from a New York State agency said that he had met a real master of acknowledgment in his career, and that the person’s name was Joe Fox, Brooklyn Chief of Police. Others seemed to know him as well, and heads were nodding in agreement. I filed the name away for future reference, and continued with the training on the 7 Principles of Acknowledgment.

Then last May, I led a similar training workshop for 30 Executives in the New York Police Department, and again the name of Chief Joe Fox surfaced. This time just about all heads were nodding in agreement, and everyone seemed to know him as a master of acknowledgment. Example after example of his gentle, far-reaching skills were cited. This was becoming serious – I really had to put Chief Fox on my “must meet” list. People were going out of their way to sing his praises. Then two weeks ago, I went back to the NYPD to train about 20 more Executives – word had spread about the results of  “the power of acknowledgment”  training. This time, one of the NYPD executives came up to me and suggested that I autograph a book for Chief Fox – he was sure it would mean a great deal to him. Captain Sosnowik, who had brought me in to do the training, agreed wholeheartedly, and said he would make sure the book got to the Chief.

A few days later I got a deep and heartfelt message of thanks for the book on my voicemail from the Chief of Police, and a suggestion that we get together at some point to share our desire to change the world for the better. Since, then I received a beautiful poem from Chief Fox that I have gotten his permission to share. He wrote it after visiting a number of hospitals, watching nurses make momentary, yet infinite “differences” in the lives of vulnerable people, when they needed it most. Acknowledgments, too, allow us to be “messengers of grace” and to help the world. The Chief saw that similarity immediately upon receiving the book, so it is indeed an honor for me to share Chief Fox’s vision with all of you:

Help the World 

In our lives, we see so many people in pain, in need

many of whom we cannot help

making us feel powerless

unable to make a difference

unable to have a meaningful impact in our world. 

But everyday there are moments,

special opportunities when we can comfort one person

be a messenger of grace

bring a moment of peace. 

And when we help another,

“person to person"

we help the world.

even for just a moment

 By Joseph Fox, Brooklyn Chief of Police

I had the honor today of meeting Chief Fox at an NYPD Leadership training session for which he was one of the presenters! I now know for sure that together we will bring these positive messages forth in powerful ways to help the world. And all of you can be among the messengers of grace who do help the world every day.

In all of the classes that I teach, I talk about how challenging it is to acknowledge our organization’s leaders. Why? Well, I think we are afraid that they will misinterpret or misconstrue our intentions. Even if we mean it and know that what we want to communicate to them is heartfelt and real, it is still hard to do. We are afraid of being thought of as “suck ups” or “brown nosers” by both our peers who might catch wind of what we did, and our leaders. But once I address this phenomenon in my workshops, people can’t sit still. “I’ll be right back,” a webinar participant texted all of the attendees. “I have to go acknowledge my boss!” Ten minutes later he was back in his virtual seat, texting all of us. “I did it!!!” he wrote, and you could feel his pride. More and more I am seeing and hearing and reading people’s acknowledgments of their leaders, once they are given “permission” to carry this wonderful practice out when it is deserved. Recently, Srini Vajhala told a story on a webinar that was  inspiring, and I asked Srini to write it up for our blog, which happened immediately following the webinar.  Srini wrote:

“Judy, thank you very much for a wonderful presentation. I am sure I will be acknowledging people more from now on. Steve Haslam, our CEO of StreetLinks National Appraisal Services, sends out complimenting emails companywide, which really motivate people.”

Srini Vajhala, thanks for having the courage and determination to acknowledge your leader publicly, both in a global webinar and on our blog. As promised, I will be sending you and your very admirable CEO autographed copies of The Power of Acknowledgment.

Steve Haslam, I acknowledge you for inspiring and engendering pride in the people you lead! A round of virtual applause both for Srini and  Steve!

If you have great stories to tell regarding acknowledging your leaders or about being acknowledged by those you lead, please write a comment and let us know how the experience affected you. Also, feel free to use this blog to acknowledge a great leader of yours. Be as specific as possible about what you value about that person’s leadership style and substance. Have fun with this — it is a great experience to give this “gift.”

Leading an IIL webinar on The Power of Acknowledgment last week with 92 people from around the globe, I asked my usual question that brings forth such unusual responses! That’s why I love the question so much! I asked, “Who is it in your work life that really deserves, needs, and desires your acknowledgment and to whom you have not freely, generously and profoundly given it?” I received such great responses from several people that I intend to post them on this blog, with their permission. I also asked them to write up their wonderful examples, so you can “hear” it in their words.

Today’s example is from Rachel Morris, PMP and Associate Project Manager at LOGOS Communications, Inc. Here is what she said and wrote:

Hi Judy,

Thank you so much for the webinar this afternoon. I really loved it and I think that all of us need to get better at handing out compliments to our fellow employees, bosses and loved ones.

Chris Tjotjos is the owner and CEO of LOGOS Communications. He is amazing on how he goes above and beyond to acknowledge his employees. He gets letters from our clients and coworkers and recognizes them in a weekly meeting with the whole company. The people that are recognized get to spin the wheel of fortune and win gift certificates. I am very fortunate to be able to work for such a generous and wonderful person. He is an inspiration to me when it comes to acknowledging others.

Thank you again for the presentation, it was wonderful
Best Regards,
Rachel Morris, PMP

So let’s hear a round of virtual applause, both for Rachel for her deeply heartfelt and authentic acknowledgment of Chris Tjotjos, CEO and Owner of LOGOS Communications, and for Chris himself.  Chris, your commitment to creating and maintaining a culture of appreciation in your company is phenomenal, and your people feel it, live it, and love it!  I personally applaud you for setting the example and creating a benchmark for other companies. I will be sending you an autographed copy of The Power of Acknowledgment to celebrate your commitment and achievement.

If others of you have great examples like this one of leaders that are truly leading the way in terms of making their people feel appreciated and acknowledged, please post them on this blog or send them to my email address, which is judy.umlas@iil.com.

Also, please vist the PMI Voices on Project Management Blog to read what I wrote about ACCEPTING acknowledgments — which is hard for many of us to do! It is called “Stop Being So Humble!” Here is the link: http://blogs.pmi.org/blog/voices_on_project_management/2009/10/stop-being-so-humble.html