I was recently called to Helsinki, Finland to address 800 project managers at the IPMA Conference on The Power of Acknowledgment. It was an extraordinary experience to present this approach to people whose culture does not necessarily include acknowledgment on a deep, heartfelt, regular basis. However, there was a tremendous response to the presentation and some rather outstanding results were achieved! For more details, please see my blog post on the PMI Voices on Project Management blog
Your questions or comments about my takeaways from the Helskinki conference are welcome!
I was traveling recently by plane to a PMI Rochester Chpater Professional Development Day. I checked in, got my boarding pass and went to Security. The agent looked at my pass, then looked at my driver’s license, then looked at my pass again. “Is there something wrong?” I asked as he continued to study both. “Yes, ” he said. This is not you! It’s someone from Iraq! I looked at the at boarding pass and sure enough, it wasn’t me!” I was shocked and realized that his attentive response had really prevented possible problems. I felt very secure knowing that the security agent had been doing his job and doing it well. That made me feel very protected. He had also very courteously told me that I should go back to the ticket counter, get a new pass and that I then would not have to wait on line again for security. I was pleased to hear that, got the mistake corrected and came back with a smile. He was happy the situation had been worked out as well.
When I had gone through security, I asked for a manager and told him that I wanted to acknowledge the agent, whose name, I was told, was Richard Brown. They gave me a form to fill out, which I did and went on my way. Shortly after, I received two emails. First, with his permission, here is the one from Gary Lainis, Stakeholder Manager of the Transporatation Security Administration:
“Thank you for taking the time to inform us of your recent experience at LaGuardia Airport. It has always been a key objective of the Transportation Security Administration to provide our passengers with a secure and enjoyable travel experience and it was a pleasure to read your complimentary remarks concerning the performance of the Transportation Security Officer Richard Brown.
I will ensure your remarks are shared with Officer Brown and I am certain that he will be pleased to learn that his professionalism is both noticed and appreciated.
Yours truly,
Guy Lainis
And then I received this email from Richard Brown himself:
Hello Ms. Judy Umlas, my name is Richard J. Brown, I work at LaGuardia Airport and I just would like to thank you very much for the complimentary e-mail that you sent to my boss. I was very surprised to get a letter from a passenger about my work here at TSA, as I have never gotten a letter from any passenger in the past. I would like to say thank you very much. It meant alot to me.. again thank you and I hope to see you again..
peace and love
Richard and I have been in touch, and he has asked me for an autographed copy of The Power of Acknowledgment, which of course I will send him. He also wants to share it with his elderly mother which I am thrilled about. I plan to invite Richard to be on one of my webinars so I can introduce him, as a testimonial to the power of acknowledgment.
Try it — you just have no idea what the profound effects of a simple, quick action you can take anywhere at any time will be. If we all do that, imagine what the world will be like! Let’s do it!
A Paycheck and Two Bananas
I met a man, the President of a company that manufactures electrical conduit fittings. Just in chatting about his business with me, he happened to mention that every Friday – payday – he gives everyone in the company a paycheck plus two bananas (or sometimes apples, occasionally pears, and once in a while, grapes). If the garbage people come that day, they get two bananas. The delivery people get two bananas if they come on a Friday. Everyone from the second in command in the company to the janitor gets the gift of fruit along with their monetary compensation.
“Why do you do that?” I asked curiously. “I don’t really know, “he said. “I started doing it about 15 years ago and now I still do it every time I give my people their paycheck.” “Do you think it has anything to do with your seeing them not just as workers, but as people and that this gift acknowledges their health and wellbeing as concerns of yours?” He smiled humbly and said that I was making him out to be better than he is. Then another man, who has seen the President in action with his people over the years, said that this was absolutely the case. And that this leader had come to the rescue of various employees in many different ways when it was needed. This reminded me of the manager in a company in Brazil that spends an hour with each of his employees on a regular basis, during which they are not allowed to talk about work – just their personal lives, families, interests, hobbies, concerns. His people love it and feel not only valued, but treasured. Here is the link to an article that Roberto Daniel wrote for us at allPM.com a while back: http://www.allpm.com/modules.php?op=modload&name=News&file=article&sid=1849&mode=thread&order=0&thold=0
I have heard acknowledgments called “the double paycheck.” They give people something that a single paycheck doesn’t provide. It nurtures them and values who they are as people. The President of the electrical fittings company is showing people that he cares about more than the work they do, by giving them a gift of life and of health every time he pays them. I think his humbleness belies his true sense of caring about his people’s wellbeing. And it makes me proud to know him!
During a session last week on The Power of Acknowledgment at the Saba Centra Regional Users Group conference — the company that created the software for the virtual courses we teach at IIL — a woman named Debbie who works at a major pharmaceutical company rose to the occasion when all participants were asked to think of someone they truly need to acknowledge. Debbie thought of her daughter, who as a single mom is raising her own daughter, and doing what Debbie thinks is a great job of it. She pledged to deliver an acknowledgment to her daughter over the weekend and today “reported back” the following:
“When I saw her this weekend, I walked up to her and told her I had something to tell her. I told her that I realize how hard it was to be a single mom raising a child but that I was extremely proud of her. She then asked me why I was so proud of her. I told her that I felt she has raised her daughter with good morals and manners and it shows when Briana is around other people - especially out in public. Well, she almost started to cry and told me that she was very happy that I felt that way about her. My daughter Kris does not have a high level of self-esteem and I could tell from what I said, it made her feel better about herself. I think that I am going to go and buy a Hallmark card and send it to her so that she has it as a remembrance. Thank you for making me open my eyes and realizing that others need and want acknowledgement - just like me.”
Well Debbie, I fully acknowledge you for stepping up to the plate and identifying your daughter as someone who would greatly benefit from your heartfelt and authentic acknowledgment. Look at the wonderful result you have produced! The fact that you are also willing and committed to putting the acknowledgment into a form that Kris can revisit whenever her self-esteem feels low, is further evidence that you are committed to making a difference in the world. Thank you for letting this message in so deeply and with such conviction. Thank you for being willing to help repair the world, one person at a time, using the power of acknowledgment.
Recently I addressed a conference called “All Your Relations” in San Diego — there was an audience of close to 1,000 people there and yes, I will admit it, I was scared to death. What was truly amazing was the intimacy of that huge group and their total receptivity to the message of the power of acknowledgment. One person who had attended shared the message with her husband, who then decided to present information from my book and the seven principles at a Toastmasters’ gathering. Here’s what Lorraine, who had attended the conference at which I spoke wrote about the response to her husband John’s 20 minute presentation:
“Participants found it difficult to cross the line from compliment to acknowledgement. One lady said it created a feeling of vulnerability in her that was scary. ”
I thank that “one lady” deeply for stating so clearly what one of the biggest obstacles is to acknowledging people profoundly and generously: our own vulnerability. She is so right about her fear and concern, but overcoming that fear brings about miracles. Yes, we do have to make ourselves somewhat vulnerable to deliver the kinds of acknowledgments that go beyond a thank you, beyond mere recognition. We worry about how we will look to another, whether they will think they are being manipulated, whether they will accept or reject our gift. But the results when we take this risk are phenomenal. Vulnerability is a precious part of the human condition, and I urge us all to take advantage of it. Let me know your thoughts on this important facet of acknowledgment. And thanks to both Lorraine and John for sharing this powerful message.
I was deeply touched when I received this living example of Acknowledgment Principle #3 from a Rabbi who read The Power of Acknowledgment.
“Dear Mrs. Umlas,
I want to thank you for the inscribed copy of your book, The Power of Acknowledgment,”" he wrote. “It is an extremely thoughtful–and helpful–work. Only a few minutes ago I got off the phone with an old friend of mine who lives in Boston. Although we entered rabbinical school together, he has authored about twelve books and is still going strong. About a month ago a beautiful and most flattering review was written about his most recent book. After reading that book some months ago, I wrote him a very complimentary letter, telling him how much I had enjoyed his latest. But now, when I read what his reviewer had to say, I was very impressed and toyed with the idea of calling and congratulating him. Yet I wasn’t in any rush to call him. Perhaps there was a touch of envy there in that I myself had written only one book! However, having read what you wrote about handling such a situation, I determined to pick up the phone and enthusiastically share his accomplishment.
Which I did. Well, not only did he sound surprised and pleased at my call, but I, too, felt very good about having called. He has been a good friend since Seminary days many years ago, and my phoning him as I did must have made him feel as I did, that our relationship was still a good and strong one. All of this thanks to you and the impetus you gave me to overcome my rather envious thoughts.
Again thanks ever so much for the copy of your book, and for the practiucal use I have already put it to. Hoping to see you before long if and when you visit our minyan, and with all good wishes.”
What courage this spiritual leader displayed, which enabled him to overcome his own very human and understandable response to his friend’s success! We can all take courage and inspiration from his example, which brings to life the power of acknowledgment.
Happy holidays to all of you who are celebrating, and consolation to those of us who are seeking spiritual comfort at this challenging time of year. I just lost two very dear, elderly parents in the last two months, and have found great comfort in revisiting and rediscovering my spiritual roots. Wishing us all peace, inspiration and a wonderful year ahead!
I cannot resist sharing this outrageously wonderful response from DeVonne Salliey to the posting I made the other day, ”Out of the Mouths of Babes…” I predict that you will all love it!!!! What amazes and inspires me is how “The Power of Acknowledgment” just keeps growing and working its magic, and taking us to places we never dreamed possible. So here is the wonderful response I received, and I wish you all of you who celebrate the holiday a joyful and peaceful Thanksgiving. Whether it’s a formal celebration or not, we can all use this holiday as an opportunity to express our gratitude, and DeVonne and her girls are perfect role models for us! So here you go:
Hi Judy!
OMG!!! I was shocked to read your blog….thanks so much for including us. Your blog exceeded my expectations by leaps & bounds. I was expecting a partial sentence excerpt surrounded by lots of commentary. I know how excited I am right now; my girls are going to FLIP!
My family will arrive tonight for Thanksgiving and the long holiday weekend. I think I will copy & laminate page 1 of the blog and use them as placemats for the dinner table tonight. I won’t mention a thing and just wait for the eruption! The girls will certainly notice their names first and the FUN will begin. I CANNOT WAIT. The hard part will be staying mum about this until then…. I look forward to letting you know the reaction….might even have my video camera at-the-ready. What a GREAT holiday dinner conversation this will make.
Judy, in the spirit of the Thanksgiving Season I have to let you know how extremely GRATEFUL I am for YOU and the work you will continue to do for our children. Out of the mouths of babes….I am so grateful that your nephews inspired you to gear your next book towards the children. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!! Please keep me posted and I will ensure that it gets put on every required reading list in our school district. Then we can see how far we can further stretch that influence. We live in Montclair NJ and the girls often have authors visit their schools. It would be marvelous if you could pay them a visit.
Lastly, but most importantly, I feel very confident in speaking for Deja and Dena. “YES!!”….they would love to be a part of your team. They would actually be thrilled to do so.
Seriously, please keep us informed and let me know whatever we can do to help you drive forward this very passionate agenda.
Judy, wishing you and your family a very Happy Thanksgiving. And once again, thank you.
DeVonne Salliey
Enterprise Program Management (EPMO)
Strategy and Development
Horizon Blue Cross Blue Shield of New Jersey
I led a half day course on The Power of Acknowledgment recently in New York City, and a lovely woman, DeVonne Salliey wrote this to me as a followup:
“I really enjoyed the course, and haven’t stopped talking about it yet. If you recall, I asked you about “pay it forward” which was in the course notes…..I’d never heard of it. Well, based on a recommendation from my co-worker, Cynthia, I rented the movie “Pay It Forward” and watched this weekend. It was a little heavy for my kids (5 & 7 yrs), however we discussed the premise and characters in great detail and I even drew pictures to illustrate how the character stories inter-related and how the one-to-three relationship can spread “goodness” so quickly. When I asked if there were any questions, I got one from my 5 year old. She wanted to know why she had to limit her “pay-it-forward” acts of kindness to ONLY three people!! As you can imagine, I was thrilled. And I even agreed to let them watch the last 20 minutes or so of the movie with me later this week.
Thanks again for a great course.”
DeVonne Salliey
Enterprise Program Management (EPMO)
Strategy and Development
Horizon Blue Cross Blue Shield of New Jersey
I acknowledge DeVonne for exploring and sharing this concept with her two wonderfully and delightfully aware daughters, Deja and Dena. I acknowledge the girls for their openness to the power of acknowledgment and its “pay it forward” effects on people. And I especially want to thank five year old Dena for not wanting to play small, in spite of her age and size — and wanting to pay it forward on a grand scale! If we start exposing children to the power of acknowledgment and its associated benefits early, imagine what the world will be like in generations to come!
Coincidentally, last week I spoke to my two nephews, Michael (age 7) and David (age 5) about why I was out in San Diego, California, near their home. I explained that I had been talking to 1,000 people about the book I had written, The Power of Acknowledgment, at a conference. They wanted to know what an acknowledgment was, which I explained to them. A short time later, I heard David saying to MIchael, “You are really good at playing soccer.” Michael thanked him, and then David turned to me and said — in case I had missed it – “That was an acknowledgment!” Later, I heard Michael, who was actually reading the autographed copy of the book I had given to his brother and him, say that I was a really good writer. Then, with a smile he added, “That was an acknowledgment!” Wow! I was pretty amazed at how quickly they had grasped the concept and put it to use.
It was at that moment that I started thinking about what my next book might be (everyone keeps asking me, so I will tell you about my idea first): The Power of Acknowledgment for Kids. What do you think? I feel that it could be pretty awesome to get them started early. I asked Michael and David if they would like to be part of my editorial advisory board and get a credit in the book. They both said “Yes!” immediately and then asked me what that meant. I said they would have to review what I wrote and give me feedback. They were very agreeable, and I think if I do move forward with this project, that I will ask Deja and Dena to be part of my team as well. I suspect they will say “Yes”!
After a virtual short course I led today on The Power of Acknowledgment, I received this communication from attendee Tim Sosbe:
“I heard a great story once on the power of giving credit where credit is due, and using praise as a motivational tool. This story came from Ken Blanchard, the internationally recognized coach and thought leader. During a speaking engagement, Ken shared a story from a CEO client of his. When asked how he deals with outcomes, the CEO told Ken words to this effect: ‘When something goes wrong, I close my door and ask myself what could I have done differently to make this better. When things go right, I open my door and look around and ask myself who I can give the credit to.’
I don’t have to know who that CEO is to know he/she must be highly successful. That kind of enlightened attitude and simple appreciation is worth more than any paycheck I’ve ever received.”
Tim Sosbe
General Manager, Training Industry Webinars, www.trainingindustry.com/webinars
Editor, Training Industry Quarterly e-zine,
Training Industry, Inc.
Thank you for sharing this with us, Tim. What a wonderful story and great validation of the power of acknowledgment. We could certainly all model our behavior after that of this enlightened CEO. I wish I knew his name so I could acknowledge him! I love what Tim wrote about this kind of appreciation being worth more than any paycheck. In fact, I have heard acknowledgment described as the “double paycheck.” We can all help create a culture of acknowledgment in our companies, and the ripple effect can be phenomenal.
Last year The Power of Acknowledgment was adopted by the University of Maryland University College Graduate School of Management and Technology for its class entitled Conflict Resolution and Negotiation Skills for Managers. It is quite thrilling to have the book be “required reading” each semester as part of the project management curriculum. As my way of saying thank you for this honor, I started delivering a live, interactive webinar for the students in the classes once each semester. At the most recent virtual seminar I led in July, the professors asked the students to send in their questions to me, and they were excellent. I answered some during the virtual session, but others I will be answering them from time to time here on my blog. Feel free to comment on these questions and answers.
The first is from Nicole Regobert, Applications Support Specialist, Bechtel Corporation and I think it is a very important one. Nicole wrote the following:
How does one sincerely acknowledge a boss or higher up for their accomplishments without looking like they’re trying to ’suck up’? There are many times I have to refrain from telling my higher ups that he or she did a good job on something because I don’t want to seem like I’m trying to get into their favor, although I do in fact sincerely think so.
Nicole, you bring up an issue that is a real concern of mine, so thank you for raising it. I do believe that bosses and higher ups are among the most under-acknowledged people in the workplace, and I think this is something that needs to change. You may remember from the webinar and from the book that there are two conditions for having an acknowledgment be accepted with appreciation and gratitude by your recipient: it must be both heartfelt and authentic. If you want to let your boss know what a great job he or she is doing, then say it from your heart and be completely truthful. Then she will “get it” and accept it with pleasure.
I had this happen with my boss, the CEO of our company, quite a few years ago, when we were together at a Project Management Institute Global Congress. At that conference, our company was honored at a meeting of international project managers, and our people from all different parts of the world were asked to stand up. I had been with IIL since the early days, when it was just a few people in a New York office, and so I felt a real surge of pride when all of our people from different countries stood up to be honored. I wanted to write my boss a quick note at that moment, as we were sitting together and it wouldn’t have been appropriate to talk while the session leader was talking. So, after hesitating for a few seconds, wondering if I really should do it, I scribbled her a note on a pad saying how proud I was to be with IIL and to see the great distance we had come since I had joined the company. I pushed it over to her, she read it, smiled and nodded a bit. That was the end of that as far as I was concerned, until about 8 years later when I was writing my book.
When we were discussing the different stories of acknowledgment I was using for the book, she said, “Remember that note you wrote me at the PMI Global Congress years ago?” “No,” I said, a bit embarrassed. “You know,” she continued. “The one where you wrote that you were so proud of IIL for coming such a great distance!” She seemed a little surprised that I could have forgotten it. “Oh, yeah!” I said at last. “Well,” she continued, “I still have that note. I put it away very carefully and I take it out every so often to remind myself how far we have come.”
I was shocked at how much it had meant to her, and realized how close I had come to not delivering my message to her out of fear of being seen as a “suck up.” But I found the courage to write what was in my heart, and it had so much more of an effect on her than I could ever have imagined.
So Nicole, just be authentic, let your acknowledgment come from your heart, and tell your boss how great you think she is when you really feel that way. Know that it will make a difference – sometimes a profound one. I look forward to having you help lead the way in changing the unfortunate scarcity of acknowledgments of our bosses and other higher ups, when they are truly warranted. Thanks for writing and for being in the class!